Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Yes Keyes Can!

My candidate didn’t do too well in the primaries last night. I don’t mean Obama. He did all right. I’m talking about Alan Keyes.

The more I expose myself to the words and ideas of Ambassador Keyes, the more convinced I am that this man must be put center-stage in our national political discourse.

He has the courage to denounce “mindless and licentious judges.” He has the wisdom to discern the intent of the Constitutional framers. He has the passion to speak in long, convoluted run-on sentences. America needs Alan Keyes.

And yet everybody’s all up on Barack Obama like he’s Black Jesus or something. The “Yes We Can” viral vid is being watched by millions... while Alan Keyes goes unheard.

Well, since the masses can’t deal with complex political ideas unless there’s a groove happening, I cranked up my GarageBand software and made a 3-minute mix of my own, using a speech by Ambassador Keyes.

Click here to hear “Yes Keyes Can!” And I urge you to heed its message:

“We are just shy of the decisive crisis for the future of our Republic. That means, y’all, that the Republic is not in danger of collapse... but has already begun to collapse.”

This audio track is only the first step, friends. I will also produce a video. I am putting together a list of celebrity guest stars that’ll put’s sorry shit to shame.

I got Britney Spears... I got Amy Winehouse... Phil Spector... Michael Richards... Michael Vick... and, yes, Michael Jackson.

I believe we can build a world-changing movement around those simple words: “Yes Keyes Can.”

Yes Keyes Can... put God back into our schools.

Yes Keyes Can... put the government back into your uterus.

Yes Keyes Can... put shame back into homosexuality.

Yes Keyes Can... abolish the federal income tax and embryonic stem cell research.

Yes Keyes Can... build that border wall.

Yes. Keyes. Can. Can I get a witness?

(If you’d like to read a complete transcript of Ambassador Keyes’s December 2006 speech – titled “The Decisive Crisis” – follow this link.)


The Stepfather of Soul said...

This is just great! There's something awesome about Keyes, even if he's a nut, that always makes me stop to check him out when I see him on TV.

memomachine said...


If this is a game of "Pick the Crazy-ass Black Guy" can I offer up a few liberal names?

Lola Gets said...

UBM, your impassioned post makes me want to vote for Keyes in the Chesapeake Tuesday, but, alas, Im NOT a registered Republican, so I cant!

Man, stop drinkin the koolaid. This writers strike has got to end soon, you need some shit to do with yourself.


Undercover Black Man said...

^ You'll see, Lola... Ambassador Keyes will show you... He'll show you all!

susie said...

Dave you left out the Mwwwwhhaaaahhhaaaa in your response to Lola.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Yer right, Suze.

dez said...

¿Sí Keyes puede?

UBM, you one loco mofo :-D

d said...

Excellent! I'd only add that Alan Keyes kicked ass on Super Tuesday. Two votes in Montana!

memomachine said...



Well a lot of people are relocating from California to the Midwest (Colorado, Montana, etc).

Mike said...

Did you know Obama and Keyes once ran against each other? For the 2004 Senate seat the Republican nominated had to drop out because of a sex scandal and the Illinois Republican party tapped Keyes to replace him and oppose Obama.

Obama got about 70% of the vote to Keyes 27%

The More You Know(tm)

Lola Gets said...

Mike does make a good point, I had completely forgotten about that race!


memomachine said...


I didn't think Keyes got even that much.

Undercover Black Man said...

Mike and Lola: I streamed some audio from an Obama-Keyes senate-race debate on Tuesday... BIP!

Jackie said...

Nice site UBM!
Yep I would hand bro Alan the Keys to the nation anytime. He is the man we need, right next to the holes in our heads. Yep.