Friday, July 25, 2008

Matching wits with the witless

Last weekend, I decided to kill an hour by trolling amongst the hardcore Hillary-loving Obama-haters at the notorious No Quarter blog.

The commenters over there are so deliriously unhinged... it’s always fun to rattle their cages. This particular thread got good and nutty. I’m proud of myself.

Barack Obama had just started his overseas trip. He shot some ball with U.S. military personnel in Kuwait. Which prompted a No Quarter poster known as “Uppity Woman” to snark:

“Senator Obama, I thought the footage of you shooting hoops in Kuwait today was really cute. And now you are in Afghanistan. You’re just one cuddly guy in photo ops, aren’t you? Quite a few of us suspect if you were really in Afghanistan fighting for America, you would be off in a corner in the fetal position....”

Here’s some of what transpired in the comments section. (If anybody can tell me whom I stole my Yo’ Mama joke from, I will salute you.)
UNDERCOVER BLACK MAN: What… you guys didn’t hear about the sniper fire Obama had to dodge when he landed?


HARP: Get back undercover fool

WILDCHILD: wasn’t BOBO too busy playing games?

UBM: Didn’t seem to hurt the morale of our soldiers any, did it?

Please rid your hearts of hatred.

HARP: Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order!

UBM: Yo mama so stupid, she walked by a YMCA and said, “Look… they spelled MACY’s wrong!”

HARP: HaHaHa…Guess who is stupid asshole…my mama has been dead for 22 years now.

UBM: Mine died last April. You shouldn’t have started some shit you couldn’t finish, my friend…

WILDCHILD: M & M’s have been around a lot longer then that.

UBM: When I pray to Obama tonight, I’ll ask for mercy on your soul, WildChild. You know not what you do.

WILDCHILD: I know exactly what I do. I prefer peanut.

UBM: Is that what you meant when you told me to “nut in your mouth”?

WILDCHILD: no, LMAO that’s what BOBO meant when he told you nut in his mouth

SEATTLE MOSS: I have read your posts and never have responded because you just don’t seem too smart and your always full of rage and cursing.
maybe you should try some new meds for that problem you have.
It’s just a suggestion…

UBM: I’ll borrow some from Cindy McCain. Thanks for the suggestion.

WILDCHILD: He said meds, not makeup.

UBM: I know, WildChild. See, Cindy McCain used to be addicted to prescription narcotics. That’s what I was referencing.

WILDCHILD: ahhh quit your kidding around. If she used to be addicted to prescription pain killers then she wouldn’t have any to give you. Besides you need to pretty up for BOBO, LOL the limo is waiting just outside your door.

SEATTLE MOSS: Go buy your own meds..
Under Endowed.

Your comebacks are pathetic.

So McCain had a real moment with his wife…Big Deal!!

Maybe Cindy did prescription drugs
Big Deal!!

They both have more class and care for this country than anything you support anti-American wuss

UBM: Maybe McCain called his wife the C-word in front of other people… Big Deal!

He is a class act all the way! I’m with you, Moss.

And you’re right… my comebacks [are] pretty lame. But I’m trying to work an “ape rape” joke into my repertoire. It worked so well for John McCain… He has so much class!

HARP: I would think the “ape rape” thing took place on Backtrack’s first date with Michelle.


UBM: Wow… it’s like a battle of wits in a coma ward up in here. I’m done. I earned my $7 tonight… the easy way.

Cheers, mates.

WILDCHILD: yup, LOL you took it up the ass like a champ. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha BOBO wants you.

UBM: ^ Don’t take my word for it, Child. I’ll post this entire exchange on my blog tomorrow… and we’ll let some normal people judge just who clowned whom.

HARP: Coward…I wish Backtrack’s father would have pulled out early too.


phx said...

You might not like my opinion and I mean no disrespect...but I think they clowned you. ANYTIME a grownup is coaxed into the crib to mix it up with the babies - well, the grownup got clowned. Even when you win you don't win.

DRE said...

I disagree. "nut in your mouth" comment was classic. UBM made them sound very stupid, which was almost TOO easy.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ My man! Thanks, DRE.

dez said...

I dunno. I think you have more to offer than to waste time splashing in the shallow end, UBM.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Eh. An hour wasted. It was that or YouTube porn.

neptune said...

Dayum, UBM! But I agree with the earlier commenter. Even when you pwn these kinds of people they're either too stupid to realize it, or to understand the pwnage. So where's the reward other than self-satisfaction? Loved the "nuts" comment too.

John B. said...

Shame on you, Dave, teasing the mentally handicapped like that.

John B. said...

P.S. You really should visit the site of slightly-less-deranged Hillarista Taylor Marsh. She's supporting Obama now, but you know in her heart of hearts she's rooting for McCain to win so Hillary will have another shot in '12.

A few days ago linked to a news item about Obama donors being less than enthusiastic about helping to retire Hillary's campaign debt. What was the headline? "Obama Donors Stiff Hillary." Can you believe it?

cnulan said...


Malcolm said...

Based on one of your earlier posts, I visited this site a few time. I was surprised at how nasty the theme was.

After a few minutes, I had to assume that it was a republican web site. I find it hard to believe that any democrat could be so petty, just because their gal didn’t win the primary.

Of course I could be wrong, we could be dealing with people so shallow and so short-sighted that they are willing to destroy their party and endanger their country simply for their short-term political gain.

The site reminds me a lot of the crazy ex-boyfriends you hear about who kill their ex-girlfriends while screaming “If I can’t have you no one can.”

But then again, wasn’t this the underlying theme of the Hillary campaign? The attitude of entitlement? The not-so-subtle derision? The under-current of smug that hinted that anyone who didn’t see Hillary as God’s gift to women (and America) must somehow be stupid?

Friends, we dodged a bullet. If this is how she and her minions ran and lost a campaign, could you imagine how bad it would have been if she actually won?

Adam said...

You are welcome, by the way, to join us over at DailyKos, OpenLeft or any of the other progressive/Democrat sites anytime you want, David. And then I need to figure out how to get you to come to Netroots Nation 2009.

Kellybelle said...

You won. Dang, you are fearless. I'm never getting into it with you. I'm too sensitive, lol.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Sensitive? No, honey... you are rugged.

I shitted my pants last year in my car, and I lacked the courage to blog about it.

Undercover Black Man said...

Adam, thank you. The thing about that is... I'm not a progressive. I wouldn't even call myself a liberal.

Heck, I'm on record as saying that if Hillary had torn down Obama and gotten the Democratic nomination, I would vote for McCain.

(Not because I feel Obama is entitled to anything. I just couldn't imagine rewarding Team Clinton for its "kitchen sink" strategy.)

The thing about the Obama-hating PUMA crowd (as a commenter pointed out here) is that they're the left.

They're not motivated by ideology in their attempts to assassinate Obama's character. But their irrational hate-ism is usually aimed at Republicans.

dez said...

Eh. An hour wasted. It was that or YouTube porn.

Heh, pr0n is generally more, um, productive :-D

Anyway, baiting improvident lackwits, while fun, doesn't seem to be the best way to get Obama elected.

Vince Spence said...

improvident |imˈprävidənt|
not having or showing foresight; spendthrift or thoughtless : improvident and undisciplined behavior.

(No definition found)


I don't think you wasted an hour - just 55 minutes. Your intellect, cunning and sense of humor is light years above those 'nitwits'. Unfortunately, every site discussing any aspect of the election is a waste of time. Nobody accepts any aspect of the opposing viewpoint and then it starts getting racial and nasty. I hated to see you ALMOST sink to their level.

Barack happens to be the best person running for President. He also happens to be black. Ten millions comments on any of these blogs, even fabulous ones like yours, has not caused one voter to switch his/her decision and it never will.

Have you ever featured the Righteous Brothers?

Improvident lackwit. That Dez just keeps wearing out that thesaurus, doesn't he? I wonder if it took him an hour to come up with that little tidbit...

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Thanks for the comment, Vince. You are right about the stunningly closed-minded and coarse quality of partisan discussions on the Web. It almost makes me think, "What's the use who gets elected if the whole society is collapsing into incivility."

But you were wrong to pick on my girl dez. (Yeah, she's a girl. I didn't know at first either.) I instantly picked up on "improvident lackwit" as a "Simpsons" reference. (A somewhat familiar one.)

Want me to beat his ass, dez?

dez said...

^Depends. Is he a right-wing lickspittle? :-D

(You know I can do the Simpsons thing all the livelong day!)

dez said...

BTW, Vince, "lackwit" is a perfectly cromulant word that embiggens us all.

Seattle Moss said...

Your always welcome over at the NQ site.
The truth is that Obama is just inexperienced like Bush was.

Nothing to do with race!

The Iraq war must lead to an democratic Iraq which is allied with the US.
Obama is weak on National Security
I'm looking to McCain as a stop gap for the next 4 years

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Welcome, Seattle Moss. I don't think I said it was about race. But the vilification of Barack Obama in every possible manner at No Quarter is the definition of "the politics of personal destruction."

Somebody over there actually wished that Obama would get blown up by a terrorist bomb while overseas.

How did something so good turn out so bad? The competition for the Democratic nomination was intense, and it captured the imaginations of Democrats, independents, even some Republicans.

But rather than accept the outcome, some Democrats got caught up in an irrational hate spiral, claiming the whole thing was rigged.

I don't care if you vote for McCain. I might've done the same if Hillary had negative-campaigned her way to the nomination.

But the name-calling and the lies ("whitey" tape, Larry Sinclair) amount to straight-up character assassination, and it's disgraceful.

Apart from that, you guys rock!

Vince Spence said...

undercover black man said...
"improvident lackwit" as a "Simpsons" reference. (A somewhat familiar one.)

I apologize, dez. I should googled it. I also should have known it might also be in the Urban Dictionary.

dez said...

No sweat, Vince. Also, proper use of a thesaurus is not a bad thing. It pays to enhance your word power :-)

Undercover Black Man said...

I should googled it.

Life before Google was not worth living.

Lola Gets said...

That entire exchange was funny as hell!


Undercover Black Man said...

^ Thanks, Lola.

chateaumorton said...

Daaayum. You pwned 'em. From one DBKer to another.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Who you is?

clem said...

UMB, nice work. If they're going dish out garbage like that, nothing wrong with putting 'em their place.

And lackwits is right. It was kinda like the Groucho Marx story where a intrusive fan approaches Groucho. "Aren't you Groucho Marx?" "Yes," Groucho answered. "Oh, could I ask you a favor?" the man asked. "Sure, what is it?" asked an annoyed Groucho. "See my wife sitting over there? She's an even bigger fan of yours than I am! Would you be willing to insult her?"

Groucho replied, "Sir, if my wife looked like that, I wouldn't need any help thinking of insults."


Chateaumorton, who are you? A DBKer? It's getting crowded in here. Let's see, who got a news "tip" by phone and asked everyone, "Hey, this guy says there's a cloud of smegma heading across campus?"