Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Leftover jokes from ‘D.L. Hughley Breaks the News’

Okay, you know I wasn’t impressed with the quality of humor on “D.L. Hughley Breaks the News.” And I’m not alone. Gina McCauley of the blog What About Our Daughters even posted a protest video on YouTube.

But you know what? It could’ve been worse. Because I went dumpster-diving at CNN’s New York offices, and I found some of the jokes that D.L. didn’t use. (Play along with me on this.)

Believe it or not, the jokes he threw away are even more stereotypical and offensive! Read ’em for yourself:

“Obama wanted to bring some of his African relatives over to America to celebrate on Election Day. But the airline wouldn’t let ’em get on the plane with bones in their noses!”

“Guess who Obama is considering for Secretary of Defense? Minister Farrakhan. Yeeaah, that’s what I’m talking about. ’Cause the Fruit of Islam do not play. Hell, if they can clean up the projects, you know they can handle Afghanistan!”

“They say when Richard Nixon got elected, he put a bowling alley in the White House. Barack said, ‘Forget that.’ Y’all know he can’t bowl, right? Barack is gonna change it up his own way. Put a basketball court in the Rose Garden. Yep... right next to the watermelon patch!”

“Ain’t too many black folks working at CNN. But they treat me nice. They treat me real nice. My first day here, Wolf Blitzer came right up to me and said, ‘ESPN’s across the street, nigger!’ ”

“Naw, seriously... CNN got some good black people working here. Soledad O’Brien, Suzanne Malveaux. I swear, I ain’t seen so many light-skinned bitches in one place since the BET Movie Awards!”

“I’m glad to see Obama and Joe Biden get along so well. One day they were walking by the Reflecting Pool, out by the Lincoln Memorial, and they had to pee. So they took their dicks out. Joe Biden said, ‘Damn, this water’s cold.’ Barack say, ‘Yeah, and it’s deep too!’ ”


Kellybelle said...



I see he saw fit to take that last joke from Sir Richard.

blackink said...

Actually, D.L. might have done even better had he used some of this stuff.

Either way, it's better than "Chocolate News." Well, not really.

L.A. said...

I just had to read this post while I was eating.
Now I've got wicked heartburn, and I'm annoyed!

Who is his DL's joke writer? 'Cause that person deserves a good swift kick in the butt.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Ummm... I hope it's clear to everybody that the jokes in this post are my jokes.

that dude said...

Glad you said that, 'cause it's clear the posters DIDN'T get that.

I agree that the DL show was a travesty...however, not only is black humor in a bad place, black folk have lost their sense of humor. I don't think the Chappelle Show would make it today.

And I can't BELIEVE you are citing the comedic opinions of WOAD. They are the most uptight, middlebrow, cornball collection of professional victims ever assembled. They literally have no sense of humor about anything.

blackink said...

Nah, I knew it was David's stuff. I guess there wasn't a good way to say that without screwing up the joke.

The Pryor riff, more than anything else, tipped me off. Well, that and the fact that he claimed to be rummaging around the garbage outside CNN headquarters.

But, then again, Dave, you are quite the reporter.

L.A. said...

O.k.,I'm a little slow this evening...

Those are your jokes???
Why do they seem so much funnier to me now?! LOL!

Days like These! said...

DL please go and sit down. Seriously. Thanks.

MacDaddy said...

Undercover: They're your jokes, but I don't think Hughley's stuff is much better. I've seen him live twice. He couldn't stop talking about "niggas" "ho's" and "bitches." It was as if he were using curse words to cover up for his vile jokes which, by the way, were mostly putting down blacks, especially black women.

Hughley needs look at some old Richard Pryor tapes. He was able to write and act out black culture on stage, even curse, without demeaning us as a people. At his best, Chapelle is able to do this too. He needs new writers and a greater sense of respect for black people.

he's becoming the modern version of Sambo. No wonder CNN likes him.

Anonymous said...

I think Bill Maher did that first joke on his show last Friday, but I think it was something like Africans "having the French President for dinner."

And I think the watermelon patch thing is a bumper sticker.

I'm serious.

estiv said...

Maybe you needed to slap a *SARCASM* sticker on it, UBM.

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Sheeeeiit. I put the 'B' in 'subtle.'

kenn. said...

What an embarrassing idiot. This type of coon-ery is what sets back the amazing progress that Obama has played a significant role in for people of color.

Lola Gets said...

’Cause the Fruit of Islam do not play. Hell, if they can clean up the projects, you know they can handle Afghanistan!”

I dont care who wrote this joke, it does have a ring of truth to it, lol.


alanna said...

DL Hughley is such a weak man. He hides his racist rants behind a mask of humor, and accepts a paycheck from CNN in exchange for an hour of mockery and degradation of Black America and it’s history. This is just self-hating weakness. DL, if you haven’t noticed, you’re black too. So you’re insulting yourself when you joke about Thomas Jefferson raping slaves in the White House. Have you no pride?

On an international scale, Hughley does major damage. I write this from way up north in Canada. I can tell you his so-called “humour” sounds absolutely ridiculous when it’s translated into other languages. It gives the world the impression that Black people don’t respect themselves or their history and that since a black man is joking about it, it must be okay for everyone else to do so. Then, when they do, Blacks get angry and people are left confused. This is the double standard that he perpetuates against the will of millions of self-respecting Black people around the world.

Now that the election is over, CNN will come to it’s senses and pull the show. I’m sure of it. But until then, please boycott this show and any other idiot that tries to make a quick dollar by shooting others down, just to bring himself up. It isn’t - and never will be - funny.

Hoeech said...

Although D.L. Hughley's show started out, well, wretchedly, the producers have taken the numerous criticisms and concerns seriously and retooled the show for the new year. The first three episodes in 2009 have been a marked improvement in the material, in the format and in the quality of the interviews. The mock interviews with fictitous guests are gone; the race-based attempts at humor are gone; the silly trivia blurbs as the show comes out of commercial are gone. When sitting down with guests like Peter Beinart or with Illinois Congressman Bobby Rush, his questions are far more hard hitting than anything Jay Leno or Larry King would ever dream of asking. I know that isn't too tough, but still... Let's not write D.L. off just yet. I have a feeling he is finding his legs with the new year.