Monday, April 23, 2007

I got dem bourgeois Negro blues…

Any of you black folks out there grew up in the black part of town, then moved out of the black part of town, and then when you visit the black part of town you see some fucked-up shit that just makes you go “Dag”?

Yeah, me too.

I was driving in Prince George’s County today, near the D.C. line, and I saw something incredible. Dude drove past me with his left foot stuck out the window.

That’s right, the driver’s left foot – clad in a red-and-black athletic shoe of indeterminate brandage – that foot was outside the car, its heel resting on the sideview mirror. Just chill like that.

I’ve never seen such a thing before. Never even heard of such. Is this the new hip shit, and I’m the last to know about it? Because it sure doesn’t look hip. Doesn’t even look comfortable.

It looks fucking IGNORANT is what it looks like.

Swear to God, where are those old-school cracker-ass P.G. County cops when you need ’em?

Makes me think that the people on a mission to ban the N-word are fighting a losing battle, as long as there’s at least one individual like this per 100,000 normal Negroes. Because really, what can you say when you see something like that?

I suppose you could say: “Nice shoe, brother. Thanks for letting me and everybody else see it. While you’re driving. In traffic.”

But the refrain which leaps more readily to mind is this.


susie said...

I am picturing this and it makes me laugh. How far back would your seat have to be to get your left foot out the window? Or how short would you legs be for that to work?

I grew up by the beach out here in SoCal and it was common occurrence to see people driving around with their feet on the dashboard or hanging out the passenger window. These feet were usually bare and dirty and I was certain that they were driving to their homes in some trailer park.

Feet do not belong on display in a car.


Undercover Black Man said...

The physics of it confound me, Susie. His head and upper body seemed to be more-or-less normally positioned.

SJ said...

You are right, images like these only fuel the racists even further. But damn it sounds funny...

Cal said...


You must have been away for a while. I see stupid shit like that near where you are talking about every day. Usually there is a guy on the passenger side doing the same thing.

My beef is the cell phones. I thought DC and MD ban cell phone use but I usually see people yakking all while driving all the time. I swear I have almost been sideswiped several times by people on phones. I think both jurisdictions could solve their budget problems just by having the cops write tickets on that alone.

Undercover Black Man said...

Yeah, Cal, it's been a while.

And from what I've heard, one-footed drivers is low on the list of things to worry about in those P.G. suburbs with "Heights" in their name.

dez said...

Many moons ago during one of my many trips to SF, I got a cramp in my driving leg and stretched it out on the front seat while driving with my left foot. On the freeway. Doing about 75. I did this for several miles until I decided it probably wasn't the safest thing in the world.

Did I mention I was a dumbass college student at the time? :-D

I still can't picture how that guy got his left foot out the window while driving, though.

ItAintEazy said...


Second of all: the PG police have proven that they don't have to be cracker-ass to fuck up those knuckleheads.

Cal said...


My Dad still lives in one of those 'burbs with "Heights" in the name and I worry about it every day. But he refuses to move. Several years ago, someone drove their car into his house. I thought to myself, it would have to have been some kid high on crack on something. Turns out it was some woman up the street from him who was a diabetic or something (they never got the story straight) who was Indy 500ing to get her grandson to school and blacked out. They put speed bumps in, but people (especially the kids) have no idea of a speed limit. It's sad how things have gotten.

RC said...

In our town {one o' them transitional towns going from beach bums and country bumpkin spanish locals on up to the chi chi crowd and the post Hamptoonians somewhere in the lost Caribbean} we have a person that adjusts the side view mirror with her bare foot, while driving. She's good looking, so's the foot, and she's white, if any of that counts for anything. As far as boorish behavior goes that doesn't even count in this town. At least 50% of the population here has no concept of etiquette and the most incredible social rudeness can be witnessed and heard every day, with the perps completely oblivous as to the pure neanderthalia of it all. You'd probably want to avoid this burg. On the other hand, folks are extremely friendly if somewhat dense.
I'll try to send in a photo of the foot babe.

daughterofthedream said...

Hah! My neighborhood was in an unincorporated town that was very very very near 'one of those P.G. suburbs with "Heights" in their name.'

It was an oasis in the midst of everything else going down around it and everyone hated that guilt by association.

Growing up, my mom told me not to tell people that's where we lived (even though it was the closest town).

Eventually the neighborhood got organized (and got permission) and came up with an alternative city name to use when mailing. No more "Heights," enter "Estates."


Vanessa said...

I had a friend who used to drive with her left foot out the window and I've done it on long road trips. She did have an automatic transmission, though. It's mostly about being limber and it feels really good on your lower back if you've been driving a long time. Of course, this was So Cal in the early 80's. And we were both white. And trashy.

justjudith said...

it's almost like driving in America is a full-contact sport. i haven't seen any feet out of the window yet and i hope i never do. that is both ignorant and scary.

Undercover Black Man said...

Totally scary. And not just for innocent bystanders. Can you imagine a side-impact collision or head-on crash? That leg is snapping clean off at the knee.

dez said...

Of course, this was So Cal in the early 80's. And we were both white. And trashy.

SoCal is a car culture and as such, we do all sorts of things in our cars we probably shouldn't be doing, especially while driving. However, I don't think it's a huge deal to stick your feet out the window when you're not driving. It's sort of the same thing as sticking your hand out the window and playing with the air flow. We used to "air out" our feet on the way home from the beach when I was a teenager and then college-age. And flash our boobs at cute guys, who mooned us in return. Okay, I never flashed anything beyond my bikini top, but some of my friends were pretty wild.

Tlazolteotl said...

Here in Seattle, I've see kids (under 30) doing this in the summer. White kids, though. I suppose out here they would get called 'hippies' or some such. Can't say that I've seen black kids out here doing it, though.

But I do wonder how practical it would be to try to drive that looks a bit contorted!

I am not Star Jones said...

a brother can't drive the Prince George's County Foot Out The Window way? I wish you had a picture because it does sound hysterical.

yeah stupid behaviors like that fuel people's racist perceptions -- but I think it's fuel for people who want to believe the worst about anyone who doesn't look like them.

I have seen people (of every color) do some very questionable, ridiculous stuff and I try really hard to not let their actions cause me to become judgmental.

dez said...

UBM, have you seen Grindhouse? Because there's a scene in there that made me completely rethink the whole conversation about sticking one's feet out the car window [shudder].

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Haven't seen it yet, Dez. I plan to catch it in the coming week actually. Glad it seems to have imparted a valuable lesson! ;^)

dez said...

It gave me a valuable lesson and a new line to work into conversations (I'll tell you after you see it, but I have a feeling you'll know it when you hear it) :-D Oh, and a stomach ache--it's so gross, hee hee!