Friday, November 21, 2008

Black nerd power!

Time to get to know some of the players in the upcoming Obama Administration. I know this is serious business, and all things Obama are a matter of pride to the people, so I won’t be cracking any jokes.

BUT... I did invite my old buddy Nipsey Muhammad to blog along with me on this one. And that dude don’t give a fuck! He’ll crack a joke at a funeral.

Anyway, the first video below is a Voice of America report on Eric Holder, said to be Obama’s choice for attorney general.

NIPSEY MUHAMMAD: Muthafucka look like a cartoon mouse, don’t he? Yo, Eric, on the real... your first order of business? Release Ronald Isley from federal prison. Turn him aloose! Seriously. How the fuck it look, he in the penitentiary, and R. Kelly walkin’ around free?

The bottom video is Susan Rice, who might become President Obama’s national security advisor.

NIPSEY MUHAMMAD: Oh shit! First time I saw that sista, I was like, “Damn... how is Barack gonna keep his dick outta that?”

44 comments:

Days like These! said...

Nipsey, you need Jesus! LOL

SJ said...

Haha I am liking Nipsey. Hopefully he will be a regular on your blog.

Vince Spence said...

He's hilarious. Not even D.L. Hughley could come with two quips that funny.

First off, Ronald Isley is a criminal tax-evader and is where he should be and should remain. Also, I would think Susan Rice might have a say about whose 'dick' gets in or out of her. Nipsey merely disrespected the entire Obama family, Susan's husband, Ian Cameron, Ms. Rice herself, a Rhodes Scholar, a member of Stanford's Black Hall of Fame and a future senior Obama cabinet member AND every black woman on the planet.

Nice company you keep, David.

But, I am sure it's just that darn Nipsey being Nipsey...

DeAngelo Starnes said...

You's a sick m-f, Dave! That was funny as hell. More Nipsey!

Nipsey Muhammad said...

Master Spence:

1. I am dead certain you was talkin’ that same shit when George Bush “commuted” the sentence of that convicted perjurer and justice-obstructor Scooter Libby... right? Am I right?

2. Wesley Snipes told me to tell you to kiss his black ass.

3. What the hell you know about Stanford’s Black Hall of Fame, whiteboy? Oh, and congratulations to you for being named to the Ofay All-Stars at Katonsville Kommunity Kollege!

Undercover Black Man said...

^ See what you did, Vince? You done pissed off my boy!

KeWayne said...

I could care less about Ronald Isley, Wesley Snipes, Scooter Libby, George Bush. Vince Spence OR Nipsey Muhammad.

I am curious how one could defend himself for making such a comment about Susan Rice. I am more curious why females who visit and read this blog haven't taken offense. Am I over-reacting?

Undercover Black Man said...

^ If I crossed a line, KeWayne, I would want readers to let me know.

But, if I may get meta on you... there are two reasons why I think that joke works:

1.) It's situated in the context of a "character" who likes to tell outrageous jokes... so it's less about Susan Rice than it's about our own ideas about transgressive humor... our own inner devil.

For example: if I, David Mills -- even masking as UBM -- blogged about Michelle Obama's booty, that would seem weird and inappropriate. (Even though a chick at Salon.com just did.) But add another mask ("As-salaam alaikum, bitches!"), and I could write almost any crazy shit, if it was funny.

2.) The Susan Rice joke is funny because there's a truth there... she's very pretty and kinda sexy and it makes you wonder, like, "Uh-oh... Michelle ain't gonna let her work in the White House. No way."

Barack is good-looking and sexy also, so you could flip the joke... make it about Dr. Rice wanting to fuck him. It's also funny because it reminds us they're both human beings.

And it's funny to take the most important workplace in the world -- the White House -- and inject the sexual tensions and crazy fantasies that take place in every other unisex workplace.

Nipsey wants me to ask you this, KeWayne: "You sayin' you wouldn't hit it? You wouldn't even think about it? Muthafucka, I would fuck Madeleine Albright to get to Susan Rice!"

KeWayne said...

Mr. Mills,

If even only three female contributors agree with your explanation, I'll agree I must have over-reacted. Your explanation doesn't explain shit.

Have I seen Mr. Nipsey on Letterman or Leno? Is that his show on CNN? That Madeline Albright quip is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Any Mother Teresa, Helen Keller or Rosa Parks jokes available?

Tell Nipsey he can tell me things without you being his intermediary, unless you are actually 'masking' as Nipsey Mohammad...

Nipsey Muhammad said...

^ I thought that was obvious from jump street.

Undercover Black Man said...

Also, KeWayne, I do happen to have a Rosa Parks joke. But I don't think you'd enjoy it, so I'll keep it to myself.

Now let me ask the ladies: Did I do wrong?

Nipsey Muhammad said...

My granddaddy, Mantan Muhammad... he knew Rosa Parks. And he told her to her face:

"Woman, what you complain fo'? Ridin' in the back of the bus... sheeeeiit. In Strong Branch, Mississippi, where I come from, they wouldn't let us inside the damn bus. We had to ride on top of the bus! No straps or nothin'!"

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Ol' Mantan... nobody had it rougher than he did.

Days like These! said...

I'm a female and have been a regular reader and commenter for a year and some change.

I know what I'm getting when I come to this site and therefore I choose NOT to allow the material to offend or sway my feelings towards the author or the contributing authors.

I thought the Nipsey contributor was a joke and I took it as that. Fiber is my friend.

Undercover Black Man said...

Fiber is my friend.

Ohhhh, snap!

:^D

Thanks, Tanyetta.

that dude said...

Uh, I'm a dude...hence the handle, so nunya asked for my opinion, but as for taking KeWayne's comments seriously, there's only one response.

Nigga please.

maria said...

NIPSEY MUHAMMAD: Oh shit! First time I saw that sista, I was like, “Damn... how is Barack gonna keep his dick outta that?”

hi, female regular here.
it's not funny; it's certainly not a "joke."
i didn't comment about it because i just didn't feel like it. i respect david's right to post whatever he wants, and i don't really think he shares this narrow view of women.

i didn't like it; thought it was crassly worded.

but i laughed at the holder comparison, so i though, shoot, who am i to say anything?

Undercover Black Man said...

^ I appreciate that, maria. I definitely don't want to turn people off... so I don't mind being told when I've crossed the line.

L.A. said...

Honstly, I wasn't offended.
Hell, my alter ego has said worse.
Much worse.

One person's humorous observation is another person's sexual harrassment lawsuit. It is what it is.

Vince Spence said...

Help!! I'm still trying to figure what an 'ofay' is and why Nipsey called me that. Should I be offended?

Is that a derogatory term used by black people to demean a white person? My dictionary only has an archaic definition.

Nipsey Muhammad said...

^ Knowledge is all around, for those who have eyes to see. Wah-laa!

Vince Spence said...

Darn, didn't Pryor and Chase look young, even back then?

But, now I am more confused. Am I a 'cracker', an 'ofay', a 'peckerwood' or a 'honkie'...? All of the above?
Nipsey called me an 'ofay' in print, so that's a definite Is he man enough to say everything on his mind, or is he going back to Strong Branch, Mississippi?

Please remind him I did not start this fascinating dialogue...

Undercover Black Man said...

^ You have to cut Nipsey some slack, Vince. He spent 20 years attending a black liberation theology church. Fucked his head all up.

Days like These! said...

LMAO---**black liberation theology church**

DeAngelo Starnes said...

Nipsey's head ain't fucked up from a black theology church. It's from all that weed he been smoking. Now don't front Dave. lol!

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Hee-hee!

neptune said...

UBM, I'm all for freedom of speech, heck, that's what the blogosphere is all about. However, some "jokes" don't need to be told. If you don't have any or much respect for the Obamas, or Ms Rice, that's your right but there's no good reason, even for the sake of base humor to insult all of them (and Black women in general) the way your did via your unusually weak attempt at humor. Please, Richard Pryor could've pulled that bit off but somehow I think even *he* would have thought better of it.

I'm hearing that comics, particularly the White ones, are twisting themselves into knots trying to figure out how they're going to make jokes about the first Black POTUS without jeopardizing their careers. I can only hope they're not going take the lazy route and vomit the usual stuff about how Black people--even the residents of the White House--are pretty much only concerned about having gratuitous sex, being lazy, eating fried chicken, or (insert your favorite Black stereotype here).

Speaking of Susan Rice, was she on something when she made that video? There was an awful lot of odd blinking going on.

Geneva Girl said...

Sorry, UBM, I just thought it was rude and stupid and said, "Next." Not worth my time or effort.

Neptune, I didn't notice the blinking so much as the monotone, boring as dirt voice. Given her credentials, I assume she's brilliant. I hope that she doesn't have a lot of press conferences. Just keep her behind the scenes.

that dude said...

Huh, that's part of why it's funny. She's an attractive woman, but she's clearly very prim, actually bland in her dress, demeanor and speech. So talking her up as a sex symbol is even more absurd...not because she could not be a object of desire, but that her overall professional to the point of drab presentation makes that the last thing you think of.

I guess that's DC porn.

Undercover Black Man said...

If you don't have any or much respect for the Obamas, or Ms Rice, that's your right but there's no good reason...

Neptune, it's not about disrespecting them. I respect them hugely.

But... and maybe I'm telling on myself... I've always thought Dr. Rice was teh hotness. (even though I didn't sit through that whole video!) To me, she looks like the prettiest smart girl in everybody's high school.

Also, as that dude points out, I like the contrast between the crude sexual idea and Rice's and Obama's button-down, all-about-business public personas. It might be an absurd notion... but the same joke couldn't be said about George W. Bush and Harriet Miers.

All that said... GG, I hear you.

Nipsey Muhammad said...

Speaking of Susan Rice, was she on something when she made that video?

Maybe homegirl been snortin' that hair relaxer.

Just sayin'...

Undercover Black Man said...

^ Nipsey, you need to STFU!

maria said...

may i just add that i would much rather read what nipsey has to say, vs. vince spence?

DeAngelo Starnes said...

Yo Dave, I think Nipsey needs to meet my barber, Doc. I think that convo would be off the chain.

DeAngelo Starnes said...

Dave you's a baad dude. I've been searching for that Richard Pryor clip forever! The "that's the z of the game" has stuck with me for however long ago Rich did that piece. That's some at least 35 year old shit. Wow!

Doc said...

Just got through cutting that boy, DeAngelo's hair. Boy looked pitiful. All depressed cuz he ain't got a job. But he was happy that the Raiders beat them Broncos.

Tol' me Nipsey was back in town. I remember when the boy's name was Buckfold Washington. He used to kill me cuz he wanted to wear a shag. Well, that was the easiest cut in the world but it was ugly.

Then he came in one day sporting a gheri curl. Well, I couldn't do nothin' with that.

Couple of years later he came in talking crazy. Tol' me he was part of the Nation of Islam. Well I knew the boy lost his mind then. That gheri curl juice seeped into his brain.

Couple of weeks later I saw him slinging bean pies and Muhammed Speaks newspapers on 58th and Crenshaw. Boy embarrassed me with that gheri curl juice staining his bow tie suit. Told him to come and get a cut on my dime. That's when he tol' me he changed his name to Nipsey Muhammed. Well, that didn't impress me no more that Buckfold Washington. But I figured he's from the sticks so so what.

He wanted what they call a crovallis. But that gheri curl messed up my clippers! Man, I had to buy two new sets behind his ass! And the boy didn't tip! Free haircut. Got rid of that gheri curl and the boy don't tip?! So David, you tell Nipsey to call my ass. Cuz I know where his mama live. I'm waiting.

Lisalisa said...

Yes, well, I thought you crossed the line as well. As someone said, I wasn't going to get all crazy about it -- far more important things in life. But it was crass and tasteless, not particularly witty or original and I do think I wandered away from you for a few days after reading it, kind of like, (eye roll) "oh, well, if we're going be like that, let's check out someplace else ....."

Undercover Black Man said...

I've been searching for that Richard Pryor clip forever!

I owe somebody a hat-tip for that clip, DeAng. But I can't remember whose blog I saw it on.

It's from "Sesame Street."

Nipsey Muhammad said...

Got rid of that gheri curl and the boy don't tip?!

What up, old dude? You still wearin' them white pleather shoes?

And praying to that white Jesus?

Geneva Girl said...

Nipsey, snorting the hair relaxer? Now THAT was funny!

Doc said...

Nipsey, boy where you been? Them white shoes is all I wear. And you can quit calling 'em pleather cuz you know those is the finest leather the cows can make. I had to get rid of them ones cuz that gheri curl hair I cut of yo' head stained. Made me mad, too.

Since you in Hollywood now, I wanna know if you still slinging bean pies. Come by the shop sometime.utalin

KeWayne said...

If you have keep defending and explaining your joke, it probably didn't get it's desired results...

Nipsey Muhammad said...

^ Stop the hate.

Doc said...

Now David, KeWayne is having a problem because he's trying to win points with your female readers. You and I know Nipsey. And as crazy as Nipsey might get sometimes, and even though I'm mad that he stiffed me on the tip, the boy got a good heart. He stupider than a rock, but he's got a good heart.

And I ain't mad at no Black man that appreciates true Black beauty!